A break through
I spoke with a counselor for three meetings. She is a believer, part of Grace church. I was very skeptical of the whole thing - mom and dad wanted it more than I - I wasn't sure what good it would do. But in the last scheduled meeting, she helped speak truth over me.
She said instead of during difficult times, sticking one's head in the sand and waiting for it to be over, to pop out and look around, meditating on God's character. Because, it is during times of stress, dryness and doubt that the Lord teaches us the most. The Lord wants me to trust His character, rather than His answers - to look to the Source rather than the tributaries. Look at all the Bible characters who had to believe in the Lord's character in spite of their circumstances. This was something I knew, but somehow it seemed to apply in a way I hadn't seen before.
She told me to claim Ephesians 3:20-21, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."
Having spoken with Esther and her, I've been much improved. I don't know what the Lord's doing or have any answers, but it's my job to meditate upon Him and enjoy a relationship with Him. The pain and doubt is less, as I've thought on these things. I'm trying to apply this in my life, as well as doing the obvious things - making sure I eat, that I sleep, and trying to spend more time with actual people, rather than my face always in a book or papers.
I've probably not done the best job explaining it. I suppose, though I knew these things, experiencing the circumstance caused me to apply it in a new way. I really want to live for Him and I'm still not sure how to do that well, as I want to. I am trusting the Lord to keep showing me a little at a time. Also, I'm not worried about my experiments. I have faced RNA degradation down once before. It took me a while to solve but it WAS solved. This will be no different. It will be solved.