But regardless of my immense weaknesses, I know He does speak. I've been listening to A.W. Tozer's book The Pursuit of God. And it has helped me see and realize some things. Perhaps I shall enumerate them later. It is ironic that it is through books that the Lord most helps me see beyond them to learn how to better see His face. Even in my error, some things I did see, and it is these things I need to pick out, not throwing the baby out with the bath water, though I discard the rest as rubbish.
Slowly, through immeasurably small steps, the Lord is bringing me back out of this dark hole. Being so afraid, I ran away, became blocked again from hearing Him, going back to the safety of logic, which could not hurt me. I have been crazy and now I am sane again. Lord willing, He will help me to find a happy medium, to learn to hear His voice without error. I do not say I have achieved it.
But regardless of my immense weaknesses, I know He does speak. I've been listening to A.W. Tozer's book The Pursuit of God. And it has helped me see and realize some things. Perhaps I shall enumerate them later. It is ironic that it is through books that the Lord most helps me see beyond them to learn how to better see His face. Even in my error, some things I did see, and it is these things I need to pick out, not throwing the baby out with the bath water, though I discard the rest as rubbish.
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IntroThis post about today was a little too long to put in the status page, so I thought I'd put it here. Though, it is true that the status page is really statuses + micro minute journaling. I'll probably start labeling it as such. Adding the NMR dataSo, today, I went over my presentation some more, adding the NMR data. That turned out to be hard to do. Dad took away my scanner/printer by accident while cleaning, so I couldn't scan in the documents I had. I went to the UPS store and got them scanned in. But they were all PDFs and I couldn't add them to the power point. I reconstructed them from print screens in paint and managed it that way. Seminar and Greg's birthdayI went over the presentation a second time just before seminar. I was feeling pretty nervous at that point and ready for it to be done, so alas, I didn't catch most of what the seminar speaker said. I wish I did, because it sounded REALLY cool actually, dealing with L- and D-Trp (an amino acid). After that, we had the Scarborough lab meeting. It was Greg's birthday today! Jack asked me to sign his card sneakily after the seminar. The Scarbourgh lab has a humorous tradition of singing happy birthday to birthday recipients in the way they request. It's usually, really fast and low. This time, Greg request it to be really high and slow, to make it more tortuous. It was absolutely hysterical! My presentation and Victor's at Scarborough lab meetingThen Victor asked if I wanted to do my presentation first. I, of course, most certainly did, because then it would be over faster. Victor let me use his computer as I had forgotten to bring mine, but had the flash drive. I think I talked too fast. I was incredibly nervous. It was hard because I was talking about things the whole lab would think incredibly simple and that I didn't really know anything about, but they did. I also wasn't able to accomplish hardly anything. However, I DID have a crap ton of fun, and I made no room to doubt this fact. Dr. Scarborough seemed amused. I told them the most funny thing that I enjoyed about inorganic chemistry was that they did reactions that turned strange colors, and then were baffled about what that meant. I also loved NMR and hadn't been doing it long enough to be poisoned by the shimming problem. I asked if anyone had managed to shim an NMR correctly and the answer was resounding silence and shrugged shoulders, everyone looking at their neighbor with frowns of doubt. Victor presented, and though he said his project wasn't very good, his data was actually quite interesting I thought. He had more slides and talked a lot longer than I did, and so much more calmly and confidently! I envied that. After the presentation, my nerves were shot and I was pretty much useless for the rest of the day. That's just how I am after these things, pretty much. I was going to go to Barnes and Nobles, but I ended up talking to Marika. I told her, sorry I was so nervous, but she assured me that my presentation was quite good and I had done different stuff than Victor, and it didn't really mean much that I "hadn't done" as much as he had. Victor didn't do NMR. I just felt so much overflowing love and appreciation for Marika at that moment. And I told her she was the best mentor I had ever had - which is quite true. She said, no, Khallid would be a really good mentor to me. I said, yes, that was true, but she was at least equally as good. Marika always gives me these completely disbelieving, doubtful and embarrassed looks when I say this, but I'm completely not lying one jot. Marika and I talking about life and Lex LutherWe got up to the offices, and she just quietly was chatting about life and how she was trying to get organized. I swear, Marika must be exactly my personality, because we think almost exactly alike and do the same kind of things and have most of the same pet peeves. She hates laundry, and talked about that. I told her her boyfriend reminded me of the Lex Luther in the Smallville series. She looked him up on her phone, because she'd never seen the series and said, "Oh. He does." I kind of felt badly for saying that, but I've wanted to tell her that since I met her. I told her though, her boyfriend I know is way nicer than Lex Luther, because, he actually does laundry and that's amazingly nice. I told Marika that she had such a calming influence on me, and she looked incredulous at this as well. She said, well, apparently she only has this effect on people that AREN'T NEAR HER. And I was like, no, no, I'll visit. Marika's interesting storyShe told me an interesting story. She said she was looking on Facebook and saw this post from a good friend she hadn't thought about or spoken to in 6-7 years. They had worked at a restaurant together and used to be good friends. Her post said she was standing in line 14 minutes at McDonalds just to get a sweet tea, and it made her think about the Lord, and she said the people working must be having a really bad day, so she prayed for them. And Marika said, for some reason, she was really drawn to this post, and even responded to it and said, though she was an atheist, she really appreciated how her friend turned a negative situation into a positive. And her friend said yes, she remembered their days of restaurant working and how it was really rough. And Marika was like - you know, that's true! That's a really good point! And the next day, she went to a restaurant with some friends. She had an energy drink with her and was trying to finish it so she brought it inside. And she said usually most restaurant people could care less if you had some drink with you. But their waiter was really rude, and told her, she absolutely could not have that drink with her, and was trying to take it from her ... WHILE she was drinking it - like, taking it out of her hand! That made her so mad, Marika said. But she remembered that Facebook post and thought, well, he must just be having a bad day. And that made her be able to keep her temper. And she told me, isn't that funny? It's so weird I saw that post and then that happened. It's almost like it was meant to be. And she said, even though she was an atheist, she could appreciate how if you did positive things, you'd be more inclined to get positive responses. She said she just wanted to tell me that, because she thought I'd find it amusing and thought I'd probably be able to appreciate it. I just thought that was a fascinating conversation. I pray that the Lord will show her that He's real. I've been praying that on and off for a while. And, I told her, though she was an atheist, I'm praying for her data not to be confusing. And she said, oh good, because that would be really nice. Little parting experiments, like chocolate nuggetsI talked about some experiments that she and I could do together on Th and F of this week. Just some parting fun experiments we could do together that I really wanted to do but didn't have time for. And then we walked out to Peavine together. I didn't end up going to Barnes and Nobles. I got a new CD from iTunes instead and listened to it, and helped me destress a lot. It's a CD by David Ingles, this really old-timey, gospely guy that Oma really loves. He sings songs out of Scripture kind of sort of. Aunt Susan says it's too country for her, too "folksy" but I like it anyway and find it relaxing to listen to sometimes. Here's a few of my favorites that stuck out to me. FINAnd, I think that's everything. Praise the LORD that presentation is OVER. Oh my word, I can't tell you what a release that was, to be free of that. Now, I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. I can't WAIT to get all organized and move to the Salaita lab, and setup my desk, and get everything planned. It's SO EXCITING!! Appendix: Songs by David InglesYOU ARE FREE
COPYRIGHT 1976 David Ingles Music SESAC *Sadly there are no Youtube videos for most of these great songs You came here imprisoned and in bondage You're not lost, but not entirely free God has placed in me His words of wisdom Appointed unto me authority You may be a soul compared to Lazarus Raised from death in grave clothes wrapped about Waiting for the words of power and freedom Listen and be loosed from fear and doubt You are free! You are free! Raised from death, delivered, free indeed The prison doors are open And your bands are loosed Start making plans, believing you receive Now you know the truth and you are free As I look at you, the love of God within me Rises from my spirit to my voice His holy love is flowing to you through me While I pronounce the words of God's own choice It's compassion I obtained from Jesus The Holy Spirit's demonstrating way The power of God to birth, to heal, deliver Is declared a fact of faith today You are free! You are free! Raised from death, delivered, free indeed The prison doors are open And your bands are loosed Start making plans, believing you receive Now you know the truth and you are free PEOPLE OF ZION COPYRIGHT 1995 David Ingles Music SESAC *I didn't listen to this song today but I like the words Come on people, give the Lord a praise Stand in reverence with your voices raised He's deserving of our high acclaim Let's give Him all the glory due His name People of Zion, exalt your King Lift up your voices, let praise begin Thoughts be established, let anthems ring Flowing in worship, adoringly This special honor, have all His saints To bind up evil, through giving thanks Lift up your voices, to Jesus sing People of Zion, exalt your King Bring Him treasures from your inner store Calling deep, your spirit to employ Giving praise to the Father brings Him joy So let everything that's breathing praise the Lord DON'T SING THOSE SONGS ANYMORE COPYRIGHT 1976 David Ingles Music SESAC *Did listen to this song and it reminded me of Pastor's Buddy's message on blessing and cursing Folsom Prison Blues and Mack The Knife Invite the chains of bondage and of strife Don't think it's not important What you say, 'cause today You're the total Of your talking yesterday There's more to this A little closer home Like, An Old Account Was Settled Long Ago Hold The Fort” and Farther Along And living here on Barely get along Now I sing The Seed Of Abraham, The righteousness of God That's who I am Things in life Just started working out When I stopped singing songs That peddle death and doubt I don't sing those songs anymore Like, “Born To Lose” And of the life before What we say is what we get for sure I don't sing those songs anymore YOU HOLD A MIRACLE COPYRIGHT 1976 David Ingles Music SESAC *Listened to this one. I really love how the Lord can take my ordinary and make it unordinary Jesus made wine from water When they obeyed His command And this was the beginning of miracles From things that they held in their hands It's in your hands you hold a miracle Though not much to you turn it to Him And He'll take what you give to Him And make it what you want to be A miracle it's in your hands Jesus did miracles to meet human need Also that men might believe And almost always used common men Who held in their hands common things It's in your hands you hold a miracle Though not much to you turn it to Him And He'll take what you give to Him And make it what you want to be A miracle it's in your hands You're the one to set in motion The miracle that you desire Open your eyes look in your hands You have it you hold the power It's in your hands you hold a miracle Though not much to you turn it to Him And He'll take what you give to Him And make it what you want to be A miracle it's in your hands Sunday, 10th FebruaryVirology (6:06 pm): I finished week 4 of virology! I have week 5 left, but that's almost on track, as it was just released the past Friday to work on, I think. Trying a couple different things w/ blog stuff. Adding answered prayers page (6:18 pm): I've been trying to think of how to make answered prayers more obvious. The trouble is sometimes one thinks a prayer is answered, and actually, one is mistaken, OR it was only part I of the answer. This back and forth can take up a lot of room and be hard to back-trace. So, what I'm trying out for now is a separate prayer blog attached to the prayer warrior page. The purpose is to post prayer requests sorted by date and to post answers INSIDE the actual post as they occur. I considered posting answers separately, but I worry about the difficulty of referencing the right post, etc. So, I'm trying it this way first and seeing what happens. Bigger, overarching prayer answers or interesting news I'm linking to the prayer warrior page. This page is largely for smaller concerns that are just as important to me. Hmm. Fascinating (6:54 pm): I'm very excited about being in the Salaita lab, but I think now after a wave of excitement I'm entering a state of numbness. I can't believe it, really. I can't really pray anything, but I'm counting on the Lord to answer those prayers I prayed beforehand for a while ago, for me to have peace and stuff. I'm actually kind of stressed / scared, for no apparently reason. Part of it is probably coming from the fact that I have orgo TA lab tomorrow and I'm a little too overeager to correct my mistakes from last time. And I hope I can meet everyone's expectations, since, it could happen, that nothing works in the science I do. *shrugs* Anything is possible. But, I don't think I'm supposed to worry about it. I just ... have to get over this inauguration stress, or whatever you want to call it. Pray that I have peace. Thanks! Saturday, 9th FebruaryUpdate (6:40 pm): John and James took me to Microcenter and picked out computer parts with me. I mostly just watched and gave aesthetic advice. I found a gorgeous washable Logitech keyboard and beautiful mouse I love. James let me build it myself, telling me how to put the pieces in it. Then, he and John did the really irritating parts. I cleaned my entire desk, which was a wreck with papers and organized them all. I accidentally got a bigger monitor than my brother (27"). This computer is so beast (like James's) it could run ANY game or yes, render protein surfaces, in its sleep. This is John's present to me. He insists and is quite happy himself. John is so sweet to me, to offer this. I've concluded: I'm the most spoiled person on the planet. Yes. And I have the perfect life. I can't wait to render a molecule and run Star Wars Old Republic on this thing. Friday, 8th FebruaryPrayer requests (10:49 am): Just an FYI, somehow, I think I tore a muscle or did something to my right shoulder. It hurts if I move it certain ways or lift things in certain ways. I was going to leave it alone, but now it feels like it's freezing up. I have no desire to go to anymore doctors. Pray it gets better and.=/or the Lord shows me what to do about it. Also, last night, my laptop suddenly died without warning upon my incorrectly attaching the headset. Now it won't turn on. It's been sick for a while, but this makes no sense. All my data and most of my documents are in Dropbox, but still, I'd like it to work. Some personal stuff was not. It's incredibly odd and doesn't make sense. John says, so far it seems, I'm the collector of odd things. So it does appear to be. So, building a computer turns out to be more of a necessity than we thought. I smell a little spiritual warfare here. Just pray over John and I, James and everyone wisdom, understanding and protection against these things or anything else. Thank you! Thursday, 6th FebruaryWhat am I up to these days? (2:54 pm): So, what am I up to these days? What's happening? What do I think the Lord is doing? What am I waiting for? I felt as if I was supposed to answer this question this afternoon, suddenly. Well, for the first question, it's really simple - right now - I'M ENJOYING SCIENCE. That's the whole business that is completely consuming me and I'm relishing every drop of it, I guarantee you. I've been away too long. What's happening? I have no idea! By itself, I don't really mind. I never know what's happening, and that just makes it more fun, because when I finally understand something, and it all makes sense, it's neat to see how He was always doing stuff previously, and I didn't notice. I don't notice a lot it turns out! What do I think the Lord is doing? See above. I can always try to speculate about what He's doing, but I'm always misguided, pretty much, and He's doing things differently than I think. It's happened that way so often now, I'm no longer surprised at being so wrong all the time, and given up speculating. What am I waiting for? NOTHING! Glorious nothing, at present. The only thing I'm looking forward to doing is .... ENJOYING MORE SCIENCE!! I'm a very simple person. Job's declaration in this case is my own: “I know that You can do everything, So it turns out, when I've tried my hardest to understand the Lord, I've discovered something: It's pretty hard to understand an infinite Being. Every time I think I've boxed in God, He escapes my box and does something completely weird I had no idea He could even DO. It makes me laugh. So, my rule of thumb is, if I have thought of it, God's not going to do that. That's just the way it is. Whatever I think or have thought - I can rule that out for certain - because God won't let me succeed in figuring Him out. I think He's partly been showing me how much bigger He is than I think He is. And, being as my personality likes to figure out things and make sense of them, I've had to finally acknowledge that I can't "make sense" of God. It doesn't work! Fancy that, eh? So, I'm not worried about it anymore. If God wants to do something, then cool, awesome!! I will be excited when He does. But, I don't think He wants me to figure it out. Because, after all, His stuff has nothing to do with me anyway. I can't move a thing with one of my fingers. He does everything. I was listening to another book by Mark Batterson recently. He made a good point. When God did all the miracles in Egypt, it was said by Pharaoh's wise men that "this was the finger of God." And if God can do all that with His finger, what could His whole arm do? Numbers 11:23, "And the Lord said to Moses, 'Has the Lord’s arm been shortened? Now you shall see whether what I say will happen to you or not.'” And it so happens that, as I live life normally, God lives through me extraordinarily. So, I've one thing that's given me that I am to do: to enjoy Him and praise Him for my favorite things that He's put into my hand and then, watch when He does something big, and be shocked at how silly all my ideas were, originally. Mark Batterson also said, if God isn't perplexing to you, you're doing something wrong. I have a lot to post from Mark Batterson this weekend. And THAT'S all she wrote! (Until this evening!) Now, pardon me, but I have a fantastically cool recrystallization to go work on. Mass spec data came back and my complex samples are impure! Can't have that, now, can we. Indeed, NOT! *grins* Update (5:22 pm): The story of the rest of this day can be found HERE. :D Wednesday, 5th February: Presenting in Scarborough labUpdate (4:24 pm): *gasp* holy crap, I'm done! My word, phew, I don't think I'll be in my right mind the rest of the day though. It was good, mostly, though I was so nervous, and taken with a fit of shakes. Dr. Scarborough was smiling the whole time, which acted as an anchor to me, so I didn't completely lose it. The one thing I did manage to convey, I think, is my enthusiasm for the fun times in this lab. Marika said Victor and I both presented well. I'm so grateful to her. She's a guardian angel to me. I love her to death. Now I'm going to go wander ... to Starbucks / Barnes and Nobles probably ... among the books ... and calm down. Post, micro minutes about the day finally finished, edited and up at 8:21 p.m. So, you can find the rest of the story of Wednesday there. Tuesday, 4th February: First day back to classFinishing presentation and lunch (12:33 pm): I'm nearly done with the presentation. Oddly enough, I'm not worried at all about it. Not even a little bit, except for very minor nerves that don't really count. This absence of worry is itself disturbing. This is not possible for me. I must therefore attribute it to all the people I've asked to pray for it. Thanks! I'm not sure what to make of a lack of worry about this. It makes me feel ... off balance ... because I still don't know what I'm going to say, exactly. So, continue praying that the Lord gives me good words. I'm going to class in a sec! How exciting! Finally. I feel like I'm *really* back now. 1st day back to class - adv biophysics (8:52 pm): Well, today was pretty good. I went to class. It was about the worm-like chain model, persistence length and the Young's modulus mostly - stuff very relevant to the Salaita lab. Dr. Conticello said that he wanted us to present a literature article, so I'll probably pick that neat Science one about measuring force that Yang presented, because I wanted an excuse to read it anyway. Faculty talk: There was a faculty candidate talk at 3 pm that I attended. I'd been really wanting to go to a seminar and students were allowed in this one. It was actually pretty cool. He talked about molecular self-assembly processes and using them in drug delivery applications, specifically with human serum albumin (HSA). He has some kind of Pt(IV) construct. His complex was specific for cancer cells, but he didn't really know why, which I thought was a fascinating hole. Scared myself today: So I ended up scaring the crap out of myself by accident. I *thought* there was a Salaita lab meeting today, and Scarborough's was canceled, so I was going to come visit. But, I couldn't find anyone when I went to the usual room. So I went to the other candidate room on the 3rd floor but no one was there either. I texted Yuan and she said that today was Wednesday .... I texted promptly back: It is NOT! It is Tuesday! If it was Wednesday, I would be presenting, I reasoned. That just sent this bolt of panic into me, and I was like, "OH NO! Am I going crazy again?" That's what it reminded me of - being confused again for no reason. Then she said Khalid was out-of-town, so that was why. I didn't realize that, so that made more sense, but ... I had *thought* I'd caught of glimpse of him leaving the faculty talk. I guess NOT. *facepalm* I was hopelessly confuzzled. I gathered my things and left the building. It was sprinkling rain and wet outside, dark. The clock chimed. And my car was parked ... on the sixth level of Peavine - right where it had been the night the ambulance took me to the hospital ... yeah. It was the exact same conditions. And I started hyperventilating, I was so freaked out. I felt such relief, getting into my car. I was SO ready to be out of there and home, so I could stop freaking out. John talked to me most of the way home, so I'd feel better. That was really sweet of him. I didn't want him to at first ... but I changed my mind, after I started talking to him. I felt a lot better. Yuan texted me that there was this link of meetings - external seminars - on the website and I looked at those. I had asked about meeting Khalid next Monday. I think he thought I meant this Monday, because he mentioned he'd be in FL. But, if so, I'm not terribly surprised. I looked at the external seminar list when I got home. I think, maybe, he's overbooked himself. He's going everywhere in little over a week: FL, IL, CA. Seriously, good grief. That's exhausting! But the whole thing was just a mix up. I'm not crazy - praise the Lord. Phew. That was scary. And I heard that James fixed a major problem with his organization's website after two hours of hard code searching! I was so proud of his prowess, when I heard that. Pray for my presentation tomorrow. I'm adding the last few pieces tomorrow morning. I did a quick run-through this evening and fixed some stupid mistakes. And that, folks, is all she wrote. Monday, 3rd February: Doctor Appt & Presentation BuildingWorking on presentation (~2:27 pm): Pounding away at this presentation. It's a bit slow and tedious but I think it'll end up all right. I was meditating today on how very small I am and know so little. It's astounding. I look forward to understanding more science. Very excited about working with my old project. Looking forward to getting to do some last attempted experiments in the Scarborough lab, then quietly and peacefully organizing all my things. Yes, yes, yesss. Much fun store! Grumpy Monday and Football (7:36 pm): I was a bit amused that John said everyone he met was grumpy today, customers and employees alike. Ha ha! So was I at the beginning. Grumpy Monday! Mom said maybe it was because their favorite didn't win the Super Bowl. She has a point. Didn't think of that. I peeked at it on and off yesterday but didn't really watch. I'm glad the Seahawks won so smashingly. There's something satisfying about someone just crushing the opposition. I like that idea. Barnes and Nobles: I had a good day after I decided to let the Lord make me not grumpy. After the doctor's appt, mom insisted on going to Barnes and Nobles. I got a caramel latte, a blueberry muffin, a chocolate chunk cookie and a turkey wrap panini. I ate everything but the cookie, which I'll stash and save for tomorrow and it'll be glorious. Bein g around books calmed me. And so did the food. The doctors office stunk with some kind of perfume that was driving my mom and I mad. I was also at my wits end finding my way home after leaving that place, a pet peeve of mine. I hate being lost. Parents Like My Blog: So my parents are enjoying my blog these days! Mom said she loved it. Good. I count this as a good thing. I'm hoping my continuous updates will help them worry less. Writing is relaxing to me, which is why I write, and thus, because it's relaxing, my parents encourage me in it. Excellent. Upcoming Additions: Changes to blog upcoming - nothing major - I've been trying to figure out how to announce statuses without being wasteful of space. I think I'll have one status update line on the Home page with time slots of when I add one. We'll see how that goes. I'm also adding an "article review" section to my book blog. The point of that is for me to go back and summarize the key points of an article the day after I read it so that I will remember it better - not the day of - the day after. I think that'll be very good for me. Friday, 31st Jan: finally back in Scarborough labAdviser selection done and science update (3:39 pm): Turned in adviser selection form, choosing Salaita lab. Will try to post a science update soon. It's been too long. Still getting my equilibrium back. Did mass spec today! Kind of. It only required a form to be filled out. That's too easy. I want to learn how to really do it. Thursday, 30th Jan: studying at John's work todayLonely (8:21 am): Emory is closed again. *sigh* I think I'm going to go in anyway though. Maybe Marika will be there and I can do some experiments. Everyone else in the house is going to work and I hate being here alone. It'll also help me get more work done, I think. Marika and Christian were saying on Tuesday how it's important to separate work and home life so you didn't become a workaholic and pass out. Marika is trying to think more about that, she said. There's something to be said for it. Thinking about a working system: I got really freaked out yesterday, about how inefficient I am. No matter how much I work, there's always more to do. I don't know when to stop. Especially right now, when I've been out so long. Sometimes, I get spikes of panic, thinking about: what if, I suddenly become inefficient and don't work hard enough and become less worthy of Khalid's good opinion, that he seems to have of me. I'm not always efficient. John helped me calm back down. I'm still working stuff out - I need a system. Yes. Change of plans (10:38 am): I haven't heard from Marika yet and John offered for me to come down to his work and work at a desk near him. I think that's a splendid idea, so I'm going to do that. If Marika comes in and gives me a status on who's in the Scarborough lab, maybe I'll head up there later. Claiming John's Work, a Prayer Assignment: I'm working here at John's work today. I felt this was a good time also to claim his work for the Lord. Prayer is powerful. If God can do stuff at Emory and claim the building and people when I was so much weaker and hardly believed He heard me, then He can do stuff here. Maybe it will take a long time of prayer fighting for things to change. But I am patient. I need other prayer people to pray with me and agree this should happen. Would you do that? Pray everyone who comes in wouldn't be able to speak anything but good to John. Maybe you don't want to pray every day for this - that's ok. One prayer this once is fine by me. Thanks a bunch! One more thing: Also, I really need people praying over me to protect me from spiritual warfare - a prayer covering, a shield. It's vitally important. John prays this. So does Esther. But I need more. I've been hindered meeting with Esther for almost two months. Pray that I can meet with her like I used to. It's vital. Thanks. I've discovered from experience that the harder I pray, the more I am attacked. Coursera is amazing (3:28 pm): I'm listening to the virology course from coursera right now to take a break from reading my TA orgo lab stuff. Oh. My. Word. It's broken up into "weeks." I'm listening to Week 1 video lectures, which had slides and audio recorded from the actual class. At intervals, questions will pop up about what was just discussed for you to answer. After clicking, it'll tell you if the answer is right or wrong, with explanation. There are also real quizzes, probably kind of like "tests." For some of these courses, you can choose to get a certificate, that makes it more official, if you want to. Each video segment during the "week" is broken up into 10-15 minute blocks that number about five each. Basically, one class period. This reminds me of video school, in my homeschooling. I can totally do this. Watch one 15 min video a day and I'm good. Also, I searched other courses on here and guess what they have ... Intro to Physical Chemistry, Intro to Organic Chemistry, Intro to Intermediate Organic Chemistry, Nanotechnology: the Basics, Analytical Chemistry/Instrument Analysis and Nanotechnology and Nanosensors .... [....] .... hello. I think I just found my new best friend. Thank you very much! I'm going to be downloading the heck out of at least one more of these, for summer review. Wednesday, 29th Jan: looking up articles for laterScience Direct Error (~2 pm): So disappointed. I found some gloriously fascinating articles about RNA editing while in the hospital, but I cannot get access to them because of a weird technical error. *shoulders slump* Pls pray it gets resolved quickly. I was so looking forward to reading those. Got the articles! (5:01 pm): Science Direct started working again. I found my articles!!! I hit the jackpot of RNA splicing articles detailing work with ribozymes and natural splicing mechanisms, as well as a few gene delivery strats. Sweeeeeeeeeet. *grins* Now I have my reading for a while ... mostly. Tuesday, 28th of Jan: SNOW DAY! Amazing funSNOW! (3:58 pm): Well, well! Well, well, well, indeed. Look at all this snow!! *grins widely* This is what I like to see! Dad is driving me home again and under the circumstances I'm glad. My parents have been very protective of me, since I got out of the hospital. I'm SO THRILLED about this SNOW!!! I'm praying it snows ALL DAY and ALL night, we get 5" and no one has accidents because of it and everyone, even the party poopers who hate snow, decide to like it, and everyone makes snowmen!!! And drinks tea!! And hot chocolate!! And makes fires in fireplaces!! Yes. :D Monday, 27th of Jan: first day back at Emory; 1st TA labFlustered (7:38 am): Trying to find the class time for virology and having no success. Please pray that the Lord helps me find out when it meets and also to calm down and be peaceful. It's a good day! Nervous (9:17 am): Yup. I can tell I was flustered this morning. Forgot my backpack and my laptop. Noticed my email said I had about 10 un-read FB notifications and my stress immediately shot through the roof. Hey guys, if you're saying that I was insane - you're right - I completely validate whatever you said. Only, I can't read it. Please, forgive this, my perpetual flaw and my insanity, and I promise to pray and do my best never to repeat it in the future. That's all I can do. I'm so sorry to have troubled people. I'm really nervous. If anyone's worried about me, please pray I can stop being stressed and stop listening to the enemy. Being back at Emory is overwhelmingly joyous to me, but also overwhelming. Praise God most people here don't read my blog, seriously. I'm afraid of all kinds of things. I just want to hide, until I can stop being scared. Thanks. Better and a problem with class time (10:05 am): I'm doing a bit better. I would appreciate lots of prayer covering for right now. I'm less stressed than I was, but definitely hiding in a proverbial hidey hole until I can make sure it's safe to come out. I'm definitely in my "mouse mode." Also, there's a problem. My virology class meets at the same time as my biophysics class. I did not anticipate this issue. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Pray that the Lord miraculously resolves it. Biophysics starts at 1 p.m. Tu/Th and virology is from 1 - 3 p.m. Tu/Th. Hmm. Class issues (10:39 am): Just about to go to Mr. McCormick's meeting at 11 am. There are no other classes in chemistry or physics that I can swap biophysics for. I don't want to drop virology. So it looks like I might be dropping biophysics. I signed up for the class on virology that Gokul showed me. It's way more professional and niftier than I thought. I could check BCMB to see if they have other courses too. I'll try that. Changing my mind (10:52 am): Actually, it'd probably be smarter for me to drop virology so I still have a chemistry course for my requirements. How disappointing. But Gokul's virology class thing is cool. It's a real video class online that's in its 3rd week as well and requires 3-4 hrs of work a week, with quizzes etc. I really like that. Maybe I'll take that unofficially on the side instead. NMR worksheet and reminiscing about orgo labs (12:31 pm): Working on NMR worksheet for orgo lab today. I just perfectly missed the right number of days that resulted in me not missing any orgo labs, for which I am grateful. I'm glad I remember most of my NMR, so this is less painful. All we have to do today is listen to 1 hr NMR lecture and help students with their work sheet. Next week, isolating caffeine from TEA!! Boy, does that bring back memories. That was my final in orgo II with Ms. Harmon. We had to design the experiment ourselves and pick our own substance to isolate caffeine from. I used a concentrated energy drink - had most caffeine in it according to my research. Fun times. Marika is calming (1:10 pm): Mom dropped off my backpack to me. And Marika came! Marika has a serious calming influence on me and I'm feeling so much better with her here. It seems to be mutual. I think she knows what happened to me, mostly, and is not put off by it. She just was really happy I was there and launched on a spiel about science and how she couldn't sleep. Pray she sleeps. She said sometimes she has periods of a week or two where she doesn't sleep at all. She talked about this HW assignment from Dr. Hill about how 0 order reactions almost never existed, and IF you did have one, it at some point will not be 0 order any more and why would that be? Fascinating question. Marika was frustrated by this question. I'm wondering if it's something to do with saturation. *sigh* Ok. Things are good. Mmm. About to go to NMR lecture. That should be interesting. It's a good day. First orgo lab (6:41 - 6:58 pm): I was relieved that I didn't miss any of my TA orgo labs. My first one was today. It was a 1 hr lecture given by Mr. McCormick on NMR and then they worked on a worksheet in lab. I was a bit shaken to be put into "teaching mode" on first day but it was fine. Students expect you to know everything. I studied the worksheet for two hours and dissected the problems so I'd be prepared. I was remembering the comments on the student evaluations and trying to do better to fix some things. This time, after introducing myself, I went around to every person, shook their hand, asked their name and wrote it down on a list, to help me remember and so no one will feel left out. I hope I got everyone. I think so. Next week is caffeine extraction! I think I said that already. There were lots of stragglers so I didn't get to go to seminar after all. I don't think I'll be able to make those but it's the price I pay for getting out by 6 pm I guess. I saw Khalid. I was glad to see he was looking happy. That made me considerably less stressed, I realized after the fact. I hear there is possible snow tomorrow. Exciting but I'm not getting my hopes up. I was really excited yesterday about coming back to Emory. Then this morning I got really overwhelmed, then suddenly really stressed, then better, then stressed, with stress slowly diffusing away. Was kind of roller coaster and I'm exhausted but I think I'll be better at home. I look forward to sleeping. I was too excited to sleep much last night which made it hard to stay awake during the NMR lecture. I really wish I could have gone to seminar. So to conclude, I think things will be good. I've navigated Emory once and nothing bad happened to me - no pot holes or hidden danger. I think my stress will keep decreasing the longer I'm here. Such is my hope. Now I've written way too much. Dad is driving home so I could type this. Nice things about today (8:10 pm): (1) Marika has a stash of kit-kats in her cubbies above her desk. She kept giving me some. (2) I had a very nice lunch of two turkey sandwiches and lady grey tea; so don't worry I am eating. It was extremely tasty. (3) Dinner was super delicious tonight too - a kind of chicken stew on rice and peas. (4) Dad made a fire in the fireplace and I laid out in front of it like a cat and it was so nice. If you wonder why I've been eating so much chocolate, it's because I'm making up for all the chocolate I didn't eat in the hospital. I did have chocolate ensures though, which helped. Chocolate does not make me fat or keep me awake. I don't know why. So, apparently, I can eat it perpetually, if I have a reason to. And right now, I do! Thoughts: I thought I'd be more excited - just - sheer excited - to be back at Emory, and I was. But when I got to campus I got scared instead and overwhelmed and wanted to just hide so much. I think I was listening to the enemy. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be to be confident and my old self. Or maybe it is. I just have to rely on the Lord to do that through me and help me not be stressed. Yes. That's true. I can't try to do it myself. It's hard. I'm what you might call a slow learner, in that area. I think the Lord will help me though. I'm very excited about this week. Once I get over my extreme nerves, I start getting excited and happy. It's the nervousness and stress I have to counteract. But good things are afoot. I can smell it. Sunday, 26th of Jan: amazing message & worship at GraceRelaxing (2:22 pm): Went to visit John's parents. His mom is watching the Sherlock Holmes modern day TV series and it looks pretty good. Benedict Cumberpatch is Holmes. Good choice. Played Star Wars Old Republic with John for a while. I'm leveling another agent and he an inquisitor that can act as a tank on Imperial side, and light side of course. Going to prayer meeting at church and 5:15 pm service at Grace Snellville this evening with my parents. Grace message (6:11 pm): God is speaking as if from a trumpet to me through this sermon. Expect a long post simply describing it. IntroI'm putting these up here, in case I have a sec to write short updates. I feel more comfortable writing things that are short than long anyway. And this way, people can know I'm doing ok these days and worry less. That's the goal. Sorry they're likely to be boring!
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AuthorThis is the blog for what God has been teaching me, prayer adventures, quotes from men of faith, spiritual books, songs and detailing the amazing roller coaster ride adventure as I live with Him! I reserve the right to be wrong. I am always learning. Archives
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