No, I will not be grumpy today
But I just decided, it's no good being grumpy. I ought to be exceedingly thankful! There's so much good happening around me! And I felt ashamed for my ungrateful spirit. Here's some of the good things:
- Mom said her knee was feeling better recently, and she felt like she was able to walk like a 20-yr old again
- My presentation got moved to Wed at 3:30 p.m.! And Scarborough lab meeting was canceled.
- My lab TA was canceled this week, so that now I can focus on my presentation.
- I'm getting my glasses soon, and of course, last week before I join the Salaita lab - a good thing.
So, I decided, NO - I WILL NOT BE GRUMPY! I can't just decide that. I told the Lord - Lord, you know I cannot fight this grumpy nature I'm having this morning and MAKE myself not grumpy. So, I pray that you'd fight it for me and make me not grumpy Yourself. And I thanked Him for stuff. And He made me not grumpy. What do you know? I decided, I'm just going to enjoy being with Him today, like I used to be doing last summer. Here's some OTHER things I decided:
- I will NOT be scared of Dr. Lynn! No, no no. I remember a time when Dr. Lynn wasn't scary. It was during visitation. I thought he was cool and fun to talk to - so I can remember what that's like - and I decide, that's how I'm going to view him. I asked the Lord to help me with that too. I think my being scared of him started happening, the moment I started swinging toward the Salaita lab. I felt obligated toward him and was worried he'd be offended at my change of mind, and also, that somehow, he was the better choice, or that he would somehow figure out how to steal me away, or somehow, he'd be really mad at me, because I kept ignoring him ... yeah, all of that is false anyhow. I figured that out during my rotation. So, I have no reason to be scared of him. I like Dr. Lynn. I don't think he's mad at me. If he is, well, that's ok. Eventually, he won't be. Lisa wasn't mad. So why should he be mad?
- I decided, it doesn't matter what the Lord's doing and that I cannot figure it out or cannot imagine anything happening like He sometimes SEEMS to be suggesting to me. Nope. It doesn't matter. I don't have to know. I really WANT to know, but I don't have to. He'll show me in a good time. Looking back on it, I couldn't imagine ANY of the things He's already showed me anyway. So the fact that I cannot imagine it now doesn't mean He won't do more awesome things. Nope. He will. I just don't know what they are and can't see them yet. I'm praying the Lord would show me His glory, His completed work, and bringing about all He's said to me. I feel like I'm returning to my happy, kid-like mood, dancing at His feet and saying, Lord! Show me what you're DOING! I want to KNOW! Like I used to, back in May 2013. Mmm hmm hmmm hmm. Lord, show me what you're doing. *hums happily* Who knows? Maybe He'll answer. Wouldn't that be exciting?
Streams in the Desert
February 3, Suddenness of Change
It seemed a strange proof of Divine favor. “Immediately.” Immediately after what? After the opened heavens and the dove-like peace and the voice of the Father’s blessing, “Thou art my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” It is no abnormal experience. Thou, too, hast passed through it, O my soul. Are not the times of thy deepest depression just the moments that follow thy loftiest flight? Yesterday thou wert soaring far in the firmament, and singing in the radiance of the morn; today thy wings are folded and thy song silent. At noon thou wert basking in the sunshine of a Father’s smile; at eve thou art saying in the wilderness, “My way is hid from the Lord.”
Nay, but, my soul, the very suddenness of the change is a proof that it is not revolutionary.
Hast thou weighed the comfort of that word “immediately”? Why does it come so soon after the blessing? Just to show that it is the sequel to the blessing. God shines on thee to make thee fit for life’s desert-places—for its Gethsemanes, for its Calvaries. He lifts thee up that He may give thee strength to go further down; He illuminates thee that He may send thee into the night, that He may make thee a help to the helpless.
Not at all times art thou worthy of the wilderness; thou art only worthy of the wilderness after the splendors of Jordan. Nothing but the Son’s vision can fit thee for the Spirit’s burden; only the glory of the baptism can support the hunger of the desert. —George Matheson
After benediction comes battle.
The time of testing that marks and mightily enriches a soul’s spiritualcareer is no ordinary one, but a period when all hell seems let loose, a period when we realize our souls are brought into a net, when we know that God is permitting us to be in the devil’s hand. But it is a period which always ends in certain triumph for those who have committed the keeping of their souls to Him, a period of marvelous “nevertheless afterward” of abundant usefulness, the sixty-fold that surely follows. —Aphra White
[Note: I felt this is true in my own life just recently. Perhaps victory over this excessive confusion I just experienced is what the Lord means. Only He knows! I think He's bringing good things.]