Today, I am exhausted. I had been so stressed yesterday, going from intense stress, back to peace in unending waves as I was trusting or not trusting in the Lord - it was so tiring and did not help me think. I thought I'd have more time to prep for my TA, but it didn't happen. And I was worrying about Khalid again - just because, just because, I worry about people. I feel like I can't win - Bijoy tended to scare me sometimes and I couldn't think - and Khalid, I tend to worry about unendingly, so I can't think either. Neither is good. The only solution is trusting in the Lord. I do that better some days than others.
This morning, the Lord showed me that He was taking me through a refiner's fire of sorts so I can be stronger and He wasn't going to let me be destroyed. I expected this but sometimes I can't remember the obvious in the heat of the moment no pun intended - ha! He gave me some awesome Scripture. And He said He wasn't going to let anything bad happen to Khalid, He could be trusted with that and cared about him more than I did, so I didn't need to worry so much - He said a lot I needed to hear, and I was like, 'oh good' and decompressed a great deal. Now I feel like spaghetti. I really wish I could go sleep the rest of the day but I think it'll be a good day. The Lord is always up to something good - there's no such thing as a bad day with Him. I was going to go to Tech today but that didn't work out because Dr. Gao is out of the country. I'm glad. I think it would've been too much stress right now. Tech confuses me and I get lost a lot.
Draw the Circle, Day 14, paragraph,
"The two year ordeal of rezoning was emotionally and spiritually exhausting, but that is how to increase spiritual endurance. When it was all over, I thanked God to the opposition we encountered because it galvanized our resolve and unified our church. I learned we don't have to be afraid of the enemy's attacks. These attacks are counterproductive when we counteract them with prayer. The more opposition we expereince, the harder we have to pray. And the harder we have to pray, the more miracles God does."
Note: This is an organizational exercise in many ways that helps me think. Today is unusual.