A prayer I wrote out
I love you, Lord, more than anything or anyone that I know. When I get busy and forget to seek you, I feel dead inside, like a broken, dry husk or tree branch for kindling. Nothing feels alive. But when I am full of you, life itself glows with freshness and nothing that happens to me matters.
Often times, I feel like I’m somewhere in between – enjoying Your Presence, but not as fully as I could. O Lord, how I want to enjoy Your Presence more deeply and sink into You like into a deep current! I want this so much that it hurts. Please take me deeper into Yourself. I’m always afraid that I’ll never know You, like I want to in life. That I won’t find You. Help me find You. Help it to be true in my life that I do nothing that isn’t out of your initiative. I want that so much, but I know I’m a long way from it still. Guide my feet to your path of life that I might find my strength in you.
I need you. If you do not fill me, I will quickly shrivel and blow away as chaff before the wind, utterly destroyed. I claim you as my portion. Let me be completely and wholly yours in every way. And if I have nothing else and if I do nothing else, I chose to praise you that I have the most valuable treasure in the whole world – you Lord. I will praise you at all times, even when I don’t understand how to seek you properly and am confused about life. I hate being confused more than anything else, pretty much. Life is always confusing these days. But I thank you that you’re never confused. Everything is always clear to you and you see the end from the beginning. I take so much comfort in that.
I don’t deserve you , Lord. Thank you for loving me anyway. I pray that my whole life would be a prayer of worship and love to you in constant communion. There’s nothing that would make me happier or fulfill me more.
Question 1: If I doubt God, does that mean He won’t do what He said?
But He showed me today that it doesn’t work like that. For instance, Abraham, when God called him, didn’t have super awesome faith right away. God built it into him over a process of many, many years.
He had doubts about what God promised and even laughed once, and tried to get what God told him he’d give him using his own schemes, which didn’t work. Yet, God still molded him and eventually, he did have unshakable faith in the Lord.
He also reminded me of David. God told David that he would be king, but he spent years and years running away from King Saul, who was really mad about God taking the throne from him. At one point, David said to himself:
"And David said in his heart, I shall now perish one day by the hand of Saul: there is nothing better for me than that I should speedily escape into the land of the Philistines; and Saul shall despair of me, to seek me any more in any coast of Israel: so shall I escape out of his hand.” ~ 1 Samuel 27:1
So, I just have to trust that He knows what He’s doing. He’s not going to let my faith in Him fail. In all things, there is always hope with the Lord.
Question 2: I always worry I’ll ruin God’s plans
Question 3: How to fight the lies of the enemy
Lyrics Caught out under the sun And the world had just begun And the runners were on the run Quick as lightning The pavement under our feet And the smell of the wet concrete And the ringers they rang so sweet How we were shining And the songs we loved were playing on the sky above like we had the world to ourselves I can still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking now Called out into the light From a long and destructive night But the sun never rose so bright Or so tender And some day after we’re gone Well this world is gonna carry on And the singers will sing along But they won’t remember When the songs we loved Were playing on the sky above And we had the world all to ourselves I can still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking now Oh, where will we, where will we fly? Where will we, where will we fly? I still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking now I still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking Still see the daylight breaking now Breaking now | Lyrics A shapeless piece of steel, that's all I claim to be This hammer pounds to give me form, this flame, it melts my dreams I glow with fire and fury, as I'm twisted like a vine My final shape, my final form I'm sure I'm bound to find So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds And the water, it cools me gray, and the hurt's subdued somehow I have my shape, this sharpened point, what is my purpose now? And the question still remains, what am I to be? Perhaps some perfect piece of art displayed for all to see So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the flames And hurt a little, hurt for me my future is untold But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds The hammer pounds again, but flames I do not feel This force that drives me, helplessly, through flesh, and wood reveals A burn that burns much deeper, it's more than I can stand The reason for my life was to take the life of a guiltless man So dream a little, dream for me in hopes that I'll remain And cry a little, cry for me so I can bear the pain And hurt a little, hurt for me, my future is so bold But my dreams are not the issue here, for they, the hammer holds This task before me may seem unclear But it, my maker holds |