Sunday, 10th February
Adding answered prayers page (6:18 pm): I've been trying to think of how to make answered prayers more obvious. The trouble is sometimes one thinks a prayer is answered, and actually, one is mistaken, OR it was only part I of the answer. This back and forth can take up a lot of room and be hard to back-trace. So, what I'm trying out for now is a separate prayer blog attached to the prayer warrior page. The purpose is to post prayer requests sorted by date and to post answers INSIDE the actual post as they occur. I considered posting answers separately, but I worry about the difficulty of referencing the right post, etc. So, I'm trying it this way first and seeing what happens. Bigger, overarching prayer answers or interesting news I'm linking to the prayer warrior page. This page is largely for smaller concerns that are just as important to me.
Hmm. Fascinating (6:54 pm): I'm very excited about being in the Salaita lab, but I think now after a wave of excitement I'm entering a state of numbness. I can't believe it, really. I can't really pray anything, but I'm counting on the Lord to answer those prayers I prayed beforehand for a while ago, for me to have peace and stuff. I'm actually kind of stressed / scared, for no apparently reason. Part of it is probably coming from the fact that I have orgo TA lab tomorrow and I'm a little too overeager to correct my mistakes from last time. And I hope I can meet everyone's expectations, since, it could happen, that nothing works in the science I do. *shrugs* Anything is possible. But, I don't think I'm supposed to worry about it. I just ... have to get over this inauguration stress, or whatever you want to call it. Pray that I have peace. Thanks!
Saturday, 9th February
Friday, 8th February
Also, last night, my laptop suddenly died without warning upon my incorrectly attaching the headset. Now it won't turn on. It's been sick for a while, but this makes no sense. All my data and most of my documents are in Dropbox, but still, I'd like it to work. Some personal stuff was not. It's incredibly odd and doesn't make sense. John says, so far it seems, I'm the collector of odd things. So it does appear to be. So, building a computer turns out to be more of a necessity than we thought. I smell a little spiritual warfare here. Just pray over John and I, James and everyone wisdom, understanding and protection against these things or anything else. Thank you!
Thursday, 6th February
Well, for the first question, it's really simple - right now - I'M ENJOYING SCIENCE. That's the whole business that is completely consuming me and I'm relishing every drop of it, I guarantee you. I've been away too long.
What's happening? I have no idea! By itself, I don't really mind. I never know what's happening, and that just makes it more fun, because when I finally understand something, and it all makes sense, it's neat to see how He was always doing stuff previously, and I didn't notice. I don't notice a lot it turns out!
What do I think the Lord is doing? See above. I can always try to speculate about what He's doing, but I'm always misguided, pretty much, and He's doing things differently than I think. It's happened that way so often now, I'm no longer surprised at being so wrong all the time, and given up speculating.
What am I waiting for? NOTHING! Glorious nothing, at present. The only thing I'm looking forward to doing is .... ENJOYING MORE SCIENCE!! I'm a very simple person. Job's declaration in this case is my own:
“I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
3 You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
4 Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
5 “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
6 Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.”
Numbers 11:23, "And the Lord said to Moses, 'Has the Lord’s arm been shortened? Now you shall see whether what I say will happen to you or not.'”
And THAT'S all she wrote! (Until this evening!) Now, pardon me, but I have a fantastically cool recrystallization to go work on. Mass spec data came back and my complex samples are impure! Can't have that, now, can we. Indeed, NOT! *grins*
Update (5:22 pm): The story of the rest of this day can be found HERE. :D
Wednesday, 5th February: Presenting in Scarborough lab
Post, micro minutes about the day finally finished, edited and up at 8:21 p.m. So, you can find the rest of the story of Wednesday there.
Tuesday, 4th February: First day back to class
Faculty talk: There was a faculty candidate talk at 3 pm that I attended. I'd been really wanting to go to a seminar and students were allowed in this one. It was actually pretty cool. He talked about molecular self-assembly processes and using them in drug delivery applications, specifically with human serum albumin (HSA). He has some kind of Pt(IV) construct. His complex was specific for cancer cells, but he didn't really know why, which I thought was a fascinating hole.
Scared myself today: So I ended up scaring the crap out of myself by accident. I *thought* there was a Salaita lab meeting today, and Scarborough's was canceled, so I was going to come visit. But, I couldn't find anyone when I went to the usual room. So I went to the other candidate room on the 3rd floor but no one was there either. I texted Yuan and she said that today was Wednesday .... I texted promptly back: It is NOT! It is Tuesday! If it was Wednesday, I would be presenting, I reasoned. That just sent this bolt of panic into me, and I was like, "OH NO! Am I going crazy again?" That's what it reminded me of - being confused again for no reason. Then she said Khalid was out-of-town, so that was why. I didn't realize that, so that made more sense, but ... I had *thought* I'd caught of glimpse of him leaving the faculty talk. I guess NOT. *facepalm* I was hopelessly confuzzled.
I gathered my things and left the building. It was sprinkling rain and wet outside, dark. The clock chimed. And my car was parked ... on the sixth level of Peavine - right where it had been the night the ambulance took me to the hospital ... yeah. It was the exact same conditions. And I started hyperventilating, I was so freaked out. I felt such relief, getting into my car. I was SO ready to be out of there and home, so I could stop freaking out. John talked to me most of the way home, so I'd feel better. That was really sweet of him. I didn't want him to at first ... but I changed my mind, after I started talking to him. I felt a lot better.
Yuan texted me that there was this link of meetings - external seminars - on the website and I looked at those. I had asked about meeting Khalid next Monday. I think he thought I meant this Monday, because he mentioned he'd be in FL. But, if so, I'm not terribly surprised. I looked at the external seminar list when I got home. I think, maybe, he's overbooked himself. He's going everywhere in little over a week: FL, IL, CA. Seriously, good grief. That's exhausting!
But the whole thing was just a mix up. I'm not crazy - praise the Lord. Phew. That was scary. And I heard that James fixed a major problem with his organization's website after two hours of hard code searching! I was so proud of his prowess, when I heard that. Pray for my presentation tomorrow. I'm adding the last few pieces tomorrow morning. I did a quick run-through this evening and fixed some stupid mistakes. And that, folks, is all she wrote.
Monday, 3rd February: Doctor Appt & Presentation Building
Grumpy Monday and Football (7:36 pm): I was a bit amused that John said everyone he met was grumpy today, customers and employees alike. Ha ha! So was I at the beginning. Grumpy Monday! Mom said maybe it was because their favorite didn't win the Super Bowl. She has a point. Didn't think of that. I peeked at it on and off yesterday but didn't really watch. I'm glad the Seahawks won so smashingly. There's something satisfying about someone just crushing the opposition. I like that idea.
Barnes and Nobles: I had a good day after I decided to let the Lord make me not grumpy. After the doctor's appt, mom insisted on going to Barnes and Nobles. I got a caramel latte, a blueberry muffin, a chocolate chunk cookie and a turkey wrap panini. I ate everything but the cookie, which I'll stash and save for tomorrow and it'll be glorious. Bein g around books calmed me. And so did the food. The doctors office stunk with some kind of perfume that was driving my mom and I mad. I was also at my wits end finding my way home after leaving that place, a pet peeve of mine. I hate being lost.
Parents Like My Blog: So my parents are enjoying my blog these days! Mom said she loved it. Good. I count this as a good thing. I'm hoping my continuous updates will help them worry less. Writing is relaxing to me, which is why I write, and thus, because it's relaxing, my parents encourage me in it. Excellent.
Upcoming Additions: Changes to blog upcoming - nothing major - I've been trying to figure out how to announce statuses without being wasteful of space. I think I'll have one status update line on the Home page with time slots of when I add one. We'll see how that goes. I'm also adding an "article review" section to my book blog. The point of that is for me to go back and summarize the key points of an article the day after I read it so that I will remember it better - not the day of - the day after. I think that'll be very good for me.
Friday, 31st Jan: finally back in Scarborough lab
Thursday, 30th Jan: studying at John's work today
Thinking about a working system: I got really freaked out yesterday, about how inefficient I am. No matter how much I work, there's always more to do. I don't know when to stop. Especially right now, when I've been out so long. Sometimes, I get spikes of panic, thinking about: what if, I suddenly become inefficient and don't work hard enough and become less worthy of Khalid's good opinion, that he seems to have of me. I'm not always efficient. John helped me calm back down. I'm still working stuff out - I need a system. Yes.
Change of plans (10:38 am): I haven't heard from Marika yet and John offered for me to come down to his work and work at a desk near him. I think that's a splendid idea, so I'm going to do that. If Marika comes in and gives me a status on who's in the Scarborough lab, maybe I'll head up there later.
Claiming John's Work, a Prayer Assignment: I'm working here at John's work today. I felt this was a good time also to claim his work for the Lord. Prayer is powerful. If God can do stuff at Emory and claim the building and people when I was so much weaker and hardly believed He heard me, then He can do stuff here. Maybe it will take a long time of prayer fighting for things to change. But I am patient. I need other prayer people to pray with me and agree this should happen. Would you do that? Pray everyone who comes in wouldn't be able to speak anything but good to John. Maybe you don't want to pray every day for this - that's ok. One prayer this once is fine by me. Thanks a bunch!
One more thing: Also, I really need people praying over me to protect me from spiritual warfare - a prayer covering, a shield. It's vitally important. John prays this. So does Esther. But I need more. I've been hindered meeting with Esther for almost two months. Pray that I can meet with her like I used to. It's vital. Thanks. I've discovered from experience that the harder I pray, the more I am attacked.
Coursera is amazing (3:28 pm): I'm listening to the virology course from coursera right now to take a break from reading my TA orgo lab stuff. Oh. My. Word. It's broken up into "weeks." I'm listening to Week 1 video lectures, which had slides and audio recorded from the actual class. At intervals, questions will pop up about what was just discussed for you to answer. After clicking, it'll tell you if the answer is right or wrong, with explanation. There are also real quizzes, probably kind of like "tests." For some of these courses, you can choose to get a certificate, that makes it more official, if you want to. Each video segment during the "week" is broken up into 10-15 minute blocks that number about five each. Basically, one class period.
This reminds me of video school, in my homeschooling. I can totally do this. Watch one 15 min video a day and I'm good. Also, I searched other courses on here and guess what they have ... Intro to Physical Chemistry, Intro to Organic Chemistry, Intro to Intermediate Organic Chemistry, Nanotechnology: the Basics, Analytical Chemistry/Instrument Analysis and Nanotechnology and Nanosensors .... [....] .... hello. I think I just found my new best friend. Thank you very much! I'm going to be downloading the heck out of at least one more of these, for summer review.
Wednesday, 29th Jan: looking up articles for later
Got the articles! (5:01 pm): Science Direct started working again. I found my articles!!! I hit the jackpot of RNA splicing articles detailing work with ribozymes and natural splicing mechanisms, as well as a few gene delivery strats. Sweeeeeeeeeet. *grins* Now I have my reading for a while ... mostly.
Tuesday, 28th of Jan: SNOW DAY! Amazing fun
I'm SO THRILLED about this SNOW!!! I'm praying it snows ALL DAY and ALL night, we get 5" and no one has accidents because of it and everyone, even the party poopers who hate snow, decide to like it, and everyone makes snowmen!!! And drinks tea!! And hot chocolate!! And makes fires in fireplaces!! Yes. :D
Monday, 27th of Jan: first day back at Emory; 1st TA lab
Flustered (7:38 am): Trying to find the class time for virology and having no success. Please pray that the Lord helps me find out when it meets and also to calm down and be peaceful. It's a good day!
Better and a problem with class time (10:05 am): I'm doing a bit better. I would appreciate lots of prayer covering for right now. I'm less stressed than I was, but definitely hiding in a proverbial hidey hole until I can make sure it's safe to come out. I'm definitely in my "mouse mode." Also, there's a problem. My virology class meets at the same time as my biophysics class. I did not anticipate this issue. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Pray that the Lord miraculously resolves it. Biophysics starts at 1 p.m. Tu/Th and virology is from 1 - 3 p.m. Tu/Th.
Hmm. Class issues (10:39 am): Just about to go to Mr. McCormick's meeting at 11 am. There are no other classes in chemistry or physics that I can swap biophysics for. I don't want to drop virology. So it looks like I might be dropping biophysics. I signed up for the class on virology that Gokul showed me. It's way more professional and niftier than I thought. I could check BCMB to see if they have other courses too. I'll try that.
Changing my mind (10:52 am): Actually, it'd probably be smarter for me to drop virology so I still have a chemistry course for my requirements. How disappointing. But Gokul's virology class thing is cool. It's a real video class online that's in its 3rd week as well and requires 3-4 hrs of work a week, with quizzes etc. I really like that. Maybe I'll take that unofficially on the side instead.
NMR worksheet and reminiscing about orgo labs (12:31 pm): Working on NMR worksheet for orgo lab today. I just perfectly missed the right number of days that resulted in me not missing any orgo labs, for which I am grateful. I'm glad I remember most of my NMR, so this is less painful. All we have to do today is listen to 1 hr NMR lecture and help students with their work sheet. Next week, isolating caffeine from TEA!! Boy, does that bring back memories. That was my final in orgo II with Ms. Harmon. We had to design the experiment ourselves and pick our own substance to isolate caffeine from. I used a concentrated energy drink - had most caffeine in it according to my research. Fun times.
Marika is calming (1:10 pm): Mom dropped off my backpack to me. And Marika came! Marika has a serious calming influence on me and I'm feeling so much better with her here. It seems to be mutual. I think she knows what happened to me, mostly, and is not put off by it. She just was really happy I was there and launched on a spiel about science and how she couldn't sleep. Pray she sleeps. She said sometimes she has periods of a week or two where she doesn't sleep at all. She talked about this HW assignment from Dr. Hill about how 0 order reactions almost never existed, and IF you did have one, it at some point will not be 0 order any more and why would that be? Fascinating question. Marika was frustrated by this question. I'm wondering if it's something to do with saturation. *sigh* Ok. Things are good. Mmm. About to go to NMR lecture. That should be interesting. It's a good day.
First orgo lab (6:41 - 6:58 pm): I was relieved that I didn't miss any of my TA orgo labs. My first one was today. It was a 1 hr lecture given by Mr. McCormick on NMR and then they worked on a worksheet in lab. I was a bit shaken to be put into "teaching mode" on first day but it was fine. Students expect you to know everything. I studied the worksheet for two hours and dissected the problems so I'd be prepared. I was remembering the comments on the student evaluations and trying to do better to fix some things. This time, after introducing myself, I went around to every person, shook their hand, asked their name and wrote it down on a list, to help me remember and so no one will feel left out. I hope I got everyone. I think so. Next week is caffeine extraction! I think I said that already. There were lots of stragglers so I didn't get to go to seminar after all. I don't think I'll be able to make those but it's the price I pay for getting out by 6 pm I guess.
I saw Khalid. I was glad to see he was looking happy. That made me considerably less stressed, I realized after the fact. I hear there is possible snow tomorrow. Exciting but I'm not getting my hopes up.
I was really excited yesterday about coming back to Emory. Then this morning I got really overwhelmed, then suddenly really stressed, then better, then stressed, with stress slowly diffusing away. Was kind of roller coaster and I'm exhausted but I think I'll be better at home. I look forward to sleeping. I was too excited to sleep much last night which made it hard to stay awake during the NMR lecture. I really wish I could have gone to seminar.
So to conclude, I think things will be good. I've navigated Emory once and nothing bad happened to me - no pot holes or hidden danger. I think my stress will keep decreasing the longer I'm here. Such is my hope. Now I've written way too much. Dad is driving home so I could type this.
Nice things about today (8:10 pm): (1) Marika has a stash of kit-kats in her cubbies above her desk. She kept giving me some. (2) I had a very nice lunch of two turkey sandwiches and lady grey tea; so don't worry I am eating. It was extremely tasty. (3) Dinner was super delicious tonight too - a kind of chicken stew on rice and peas. (4) Dad made a fire in the fireplace and I laid out in front of it like a cat and it was so nice.
If you wonder why I've been eating so much chocolate, it's because I'm making up for all the chocolate I didn't eat in the hospital. I did have chocolate ensures though, which helped. Chocolate does not make me fat or keep me awake. I don't know why. So, apparently, I can eat it perpetually, if I have a reason to. And right now, I do!
Thoughts: I thought I'd be more excited - just - sheer excited - to be back at Emory, and I was. But when I got to campus I got scared instead and overwhelmed and wanted to just hide so much. I think I was listening to the enemy. It's not as easy as I thought it was going to be to be confident and my old self. Or maybe it is. I just have to rely on the Lord to do that through me and help me not be stressed. Yes. That's true. I can't try to do it myself. It's hard. I'm what you might call a slow learner, in that area. I think the Lord will help me though. I'm very excited about this week. Once I get over my extreme nerves, I start getting excited and happy. It's the nervousness and stress I have to counteract. But good things are afoot. I can smell it.
Sunday, 26th of Jan: amazing message & worship at Grace
Grace message (6:11 pm): God is speaking as if from a trumpet to me through this sermon. Expect a long post simply describing it.