It'll have nothing to do with me, BUT IT'LL BE GOOD!
This is unusual for me to do this but I have to write this quickly. This morning - oh - my - word. Smothered with the worst depression I've had in ... [...] ... (...) yeeeaaaah. And the worst headache in some time. Nothing to do with the test. Nothing to do with anything. Just random, intensely smothering depression. I was ready to give up on life and everything good. The Lord told me to get John to pray for me. I told him about this and he said he was praying that the Lord would let him be a shield for me. That was SO incredibly meaningful to me, I left the TA meeting before it started and cried, then got back in and listened to it.
And then I decided - ha! I should laugh about this. In fact, I will! It's ridiculous. I was so depressed it became comical to me. Where does this negativity and depression come from? I have no idea. But - it will not last. The Lord is good. He's doing good things. I will still be praising Him. He has the victory when I can and I can't see it - He's not surprised by anything. I'm not going to leave the lab and be mopey. I'm going to stay right here and grade my papers. BOOYAH!!
Randomly while I was thinking about this, Keon called me - just to see how I was doing and about prayer concerns - (?!) - can I say uncoincidence? So, we talked a while about the Lord and prayed for each other. He has a nasty quantum test on Thursday. We prayed for all the international students and anyone else the Lord directed us to pray for, and thanked Him for a great week. It's the Lord's week. So, it'll be a great week. He's got this. Keon talked about how Jesus calmed the storm and how, it was He who asked the disciples to go and cross to the other side. We can trust that if the Lord told us to go, He'll be there in the midst and provide a way for us to get to the other side.
Rodney Logan preached last Sunday. He spoke about David and Goliath, which the Lord told me was for me this week, and he also told the following story:
There was a man, a marine, and his wife, enduring a hurricane or some such, in a shelter. The storm was fierce and his wife was scared. She asked him if he was scared. In answer, he took his sword out and put the blade to her neck and asked if she was scared. She laughed and said of course not - she knew the sword was in his hand and that he loved her - and she wasn't scared. He put his sword back and said that she'd just answered her own question. No, he was not scared, because the storm was in the Lord's hand, and he knew He loved him, so he was not worried about it.
That made an impression on me for some reason. It's true. The Lord can shift things in a moment and have everything change any time He wants. And He just did. I'm no longer depressed. I will rejoice in the Lord come what may.
Random Commentssssss of SILLINESS:
SO, this is the last week of rotation is it? Is it, eh? Mwahahahahahah!! That's ok - they only *think* they can make me leave. I can still eat lunch in the Salaita lab kitchen until construction people eat the kitchen.
And, there's Ian. He's not going to be very happy about me leaving all of a sudden. I'm going to talk to him about that this Wednesday I think. Perhaps we can work something out. It may be, I can continue to do experiments vicariously through him. >.> <.<
Then, I found some cool papers a couple days ago relating nanoparticles and devices to alzheimer's peptides. Maybe I can study that! I considered cutting out the Lynn lab, but I think that would hurt Dr. Lynn and it's not what the Lord wants. I asked Him. And, the Lord knows, He brought me here for the Salaita lab and is giving me to Khalid. Nobody can get rid of me. I've BECOME THE BARNACLE. Khalid is my number one person here at Emory. I will find ways of being annoying, for the heck of it. I think the Lord wants me to learn something in the Lynn lab. And in the Scarborough lab. Meanwhile, I can haunt the Salaita lab.
You know what I should do? Glue pumpkins to the walls. Ohhhh yeaaaahhhh. The image in my mind was *perfect.* The walls have chicken pox. No wait. Let's call that "pumpkin pox." Too bad I can't do that. It'd be epic. I told James about the pumpkins and how people thought I was crazy and must really like pumpkins and he was like, "Jessica - I love you - you're at Emory this prestigious institution of learning and already you're doing crazy things and everyone will never forget you - you're going to be legend! You already are!" I have the sweetest brother in the whole world. I tell him that too.
The test will be fine. It'll be fine. The NSF proposal will get written. It'll all get written. The papers will get graded. Dr. Hawley was so nice. He sent me messages - So did the links work? You know you can call me Brad now. If you want to meet in person to discuss anything, we can totally do that! He said my excitement about his notes made his week so much better. *overwhelming appreciation and love for Dr. Hawley*
Kevin showed me that on my container that said "RNA only" - the message was now changed... "RNAse only." I never found it, he said disgustedly. AH HA HA!! Baaaaaadddd Kevin. Bad, bad, man. ;)
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.[a]
Sing praise to the Lord, you saints of His,
And give thanks at the remembrance of His holy name.[b]
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
Therefore you are My witnesses,”
Says the Lord, “that I am God.
13 Indeed before the day was, I am He;
And there is no one who can deliver out of My hand;
I work, and who will reverse it?”
1 Samuel 17:1-55, David and Goliath: we may be small and weak but it's not about us, it's about whose we are
17 Now the Philistines gathered their armies together to battle, and were gathered at Sochoh, whichbelongs to Judah; they encamped between Sochoh and Azekah, in Ephes Dammim. 2 And Saul and the men of Israel were gathered together, and they encamped in the Valley of Elah, and drew up in battle array against the Philistines. 3 The Philistines stood on a mountain on one side, and Israel stood on a mountain on the other side, with a valley between them.
4 And a champion went out from the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, from Gath, whose heightwas six cubits and a span. 5 He had a bronze helmet on his head, and he was armed with a coat of mail, and the weight of the coat was five thousand shekels of bronze. 6 And he had bronze armor on his legs and a bronze javelin between his shoulders. 7 Now the staff of his spear was like a weaver’s beam, and his iron spearhead weighed six hundred shekels; and a shield-bearer went before him.8 Then he stood and cried out to the armies of Israel, and said to them, “Why have you come out to line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and you the servants of Saul? Choose a man for yourselves, and let him come down to me. 9 If he is able to fight with me and kill me, then we will be your servants. But if I prevail against him and kill him, then you shall be our servants and serve us.”10 And the Philistine said, “I defy the armies of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together.” 11 When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the Philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid.
12 Now David was the son of that Ephrathite of Bethlehem Judah, whose name was Jesse, and who had eight sons. And the man was old, advanced in years, in the days of Saul. 13 The three oldest sons of Jesse had gone to follow Saul to the battle. The names of his three sons who went to the battlewere Eliab the firstborn, next to him Abinadab, and the third Shammah. 14 David was the youngest. And the three oldest followed Saul. 15 But David occasionally went and returned from Saul to feed his father’s sheep at Bethlehem.
16 And the Philistine drew near and presented himself forty days, morning and evening.
17 Then Jesse said to his son David, “Take now for your brothers an ephah of this dried grain and these ten loaves, and run to your brothers at the camp. 18 And carry these ten cheeses to the captain of their thousand, and see how your brothers fare, and bring back news of them.” 19 Now Saul and they and all the men of Israel were in the Valley of Elah, fighting with the Philistines.
20 So David rose early in the morning, left the sheep with a keeper, and took the things and went as Jesse had commanded him. And he came to the camp as the army was going out to the fight and shouting for the battle. 21 For Israel and the Philistines had drawn up in battle array, army against army. 22 And David left his supplies in the hand of the supply keeper, ran to the army, and came and greeted his brothers. 23 Then as he talked with them, there was the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, coming up from the armies of the Philistines; and he spoke according to the same words. So David heard them. 24 And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him and were dreadfully afraid. 25 So the men of Israel said, “Have you seen this man who has come up? Surely he has come up to defy Israel; and it shall be that the man who kills him the king will enrich with great riches, will give him his daughter, and give his father’s house exemption from taxes in Israel.”
26 Then David spoke to the men who stood by him, saying, “What shall be done for the man who kills this Philistine and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?”
27 And the people answered him in this manner, saying, “So shall it be done for the man who kills him.”
28 Now Eliab his oldest brother heard when he spoke to the men; and Eliab’s anger was aroused against David, and he said, “Why did you come down here? And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and the insolence of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.”
29 And David said, “What have I done now? Is there not a cause?” 30 Then he turned from him toward another and said the same thing; and these people answered him as the first ones did.
31 Now when the words which David spoke were heard, they reported them to Saul; and he sent for him. 32 Then David said to Saul, “Let no man’s heart fail because of him; your servant will go and fight with this Philistine.”
33 And Saul said to David, “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him; for you area youth, and he a man of war from his youth.”
34 But David said to Saul, “Your servant used to keep his father’s sheep, and when a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, 35 I went out after it and struck it, and delivered the lambfrom its mouth; and when it arose against me, I caught it by its beard, and struck and killed it.36 Your servant has killed both lion and bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, seeing he has defied the armies of the living God.” 37 Moreover David said, “The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.”
And Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you!”
38 So Saul clothed David with his armor, and he put a bronze helmet on his head; he also clothed him with a coat of mail. 39 David fastened his sword to his armor and tried to walk, for he had not testedthem. And David said to Saul, “I cannot walk with these, for I have not tested them.” So David took them off.
40 Then he took his staff in his hand; and he chose for himself five smooth stones from the brook, and put them in a shepherd’s bag, in a pouch which he had, and his sling was in his hand. And he drew near to the Philistine. 41 So the Philistine came, and began drawing near to David, and the man who bore the shield went before him. 42 And when the Philistine looked about and saw David, he disdained him; for he was only a youth, ruddy and good-looking. 43 So the Philistine said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. 44 And the Philistine said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field!”
45 Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you. And this day I will give the carcasses of the camp of the Philistines to the birds of the air and the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. 47 Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is theLord’s, and He will give you into our hands.”
48 So it was, when the Philistine arose and came and drew near to meet David, that David hurried and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine. 49 Then David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead, so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth. 50 So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and struck the Philistine and killed him. But there was no sword in the hand of David.51 Therefore David ran and stood over the Philistine, took his sword and drew it out of its sheath and killed him, and cut off his head with it.
And when the Philistines saw that their champion was dead, they fled. 52 Now the men of Israel and Judah arose and shouted, and pursued the Philistines as far as the entrance of the valley[a] and to the gates of Ekron. And the wounded of the Philistines fell along the road to Shaaraim, even as far as Gath and Ekron. 53 Then the children of Israel returned from chasing the Philistines, and they plundered their tents. 54 And David took the head of the Philistine and brought it to Jerusalem, but he put his armor in his tent.