About - a review of what was which now isn't: I wrote some things and deleted them maybe three times about how things were with the Lord. Sometimes, I don't want to share my experience of Him, in case others might think me weird or "super spiritual," which is not how I see myself at all. I have sought the Lord hopelessly all my life, in bitterness, until finally I had nothing left. I saw myself as the very worst and least of the Lord's servants, not worthy to be called a servant. I had no self-esteem, and resigned to live my life without ever able to really know Him as I had hoped for - in companionship, dialogue, of knowledge and real heartfelt communication.
About - miracle of His love and Presence: Then, that all changed when He rescued me, about which I wrote earlier. He rescued me with His love and showed me that He really did love me for real, in a way I can never forget and cannot ignore. The next miracle He did for me was to reveal to me that He really was with me ALL THE TIME, just like He constantly told me. I felt His Presence physically non-stop, for a solid month. By physically - I mean like a feeling of energy / electricity / power in my body - often my feet, sometimes my core, or all of me - it depended. I was awed beyond words by this. On my mom's birthday, He came down over me deeply and I felt so deeply immersed in Him and His love was so powerful that I was sweating and filled with a warmth I cannot describe - but I will try. That's one of my missions soon. I want to start blogging again - not to report on being weird so much - but just because, I do enjoy writing and I want to describe Him, because it gives me great joy to remember it again.
About - recently: That's all for now. Recently, I do not feel Him as strongly as I once did, but this does not bother me. I still feel Him physically - usually more often at Emory than at home - and it's at least once I day. I think He's teaching me to trust Him. And I know He's drawing me deeper into Himself, which gives me a joy I cannot describe. Gone are my days of pain and empty loneliness. I am full of peace in the knowledge that not I, but He leads me beside still waters and feeds my soul. Here are some of the songs that characterize my life right now.
City of Hope by Amanda Cook
Dry from disappointment
But Heaven, like a heavy rain
Revealed Your heart for us
Now we're dusting off our instruments
In You we've found our will to live
What was once a wilderness
Is teeming with new life
You are mending the broken-hearted
You are making all things new
You're rebuilding out of the ruins
A city of hope with the ones You love
Adoption is our heritage
Chosen from the orphanage
The Father's great inheritance
Bestowed upon us all
You are mending the broken-hearted
You are making all things new
You're rebuilding out of the ruins
A city of hope with the ones You love
We're the ones You love
We're the ones You love
We're the ones You love
We're the ones You love
You're rebuilding out of the ruins
A city of hope with the ones You love
You are mending the broken-hearted
You are making all things new
You're rebuilding out of the ruins
A city of hope with the ones You love
Pieces by Amanda Cook
It isn’t shy, its unashamed your love is proud to be seen with me
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hide yourself to tease us
Uncontrolled, uncontained, you love is a fire
Burning bright for me
It’s not just a spark , its not just a flame your love is a light
That all the world will see
That all the world will see
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hide yourself to tease us
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hid yourself to tease us
Your love not fractured, its not a troubled mind
It isn’t anxious
Its not the restless kind
Your love’s not passive
Its never disengaged
Its always present
Its hang on every word we say
Love keeps it promises
Its keeps its word
It honors what’s sacred
Cause its vows are good
Your love not broken
Its not insecure
Your love not selfish
You love is pure
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hid yourself to tease us
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hid yourself to tease us
You don’t give your heart in pieces, you don’t hid yourself to tease us
Shepherd by Amanda Cook
In the waiting
You're making melodies over me
And your presence
is the promise
For I am a pilgrim on a journey
You will lift my head above the mighty waves
You are able to keep me from stumbling
And in my weakness
you are the strength that comes from within
Good shepherd of my soul
Take my hand and lead me on
You make my footsteps and my path secure
So walking on water is just the beginning
Cause my faith to arise, stand at attention
For You are calling me to greater things
You will lift my head above the mighty waves
You are able to keep me from stumbling
And in my weakness
you are the strength that comes from within
Good shepherd of my soul
Take my hand and lead me on
Oh how I love You, oh how I love You
You have not forsaken me
Oh how I love You, oh how I love You
With You is where I want to be