God moves in the deserts in our lives
However, reading this passage in The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee reminded me that Jesus works in the dark, silent places of our lives, in which we seem alone and nothing seems to be happening. It's important to remember that. I've seen it in my life, that He is with me, but hearing this Word from Him was very comforting and spoke to the desert in my heart.
I'm not by it suggesting that the Lord *causes* evil in our lives. I don't believe evil is "God's will." But He does use everything that happens to us, even suffering, to gives us a more clear picture of Him.
I hope this passage will minister to you likewise.
Chapter 13: The Path of Progress: Bearing the Cross
Excerpt from "A Dark Night -- A Resurrection Morn"
whole life and service for God. It is a wicket gate by which we may enter upon an
entirely new pathway. Such a crisis occurred in the life of Jacob at Peniel. It was the
`natural man' in Jacob that was seeking to serve God and to attain His end. Jacob knew
well that God had said: "The elder shall serve the younger", but he was trying to compass
that end through his own ingenuity and resource. God had to cripple that strength of
nature in Jacob, and that He did when He touched the sinew of Jacob's thigh. Jacob
continued to walk thereafter, but he continued to be lame. He was a different Jacob, as his
change of name implies. He had his feet and he could use them, but the strength had been
touched, and he limped from an injury from which he would never quite recover.
God must bring us to a point -- I cannot tell you how it will be, but He will do it --
where, through a deep and dark experience, our natural power is touched and
fundamentally weakened, so that we no longer dare trust ourselves. He has had to deal
with some of us very harshly, and take us through difficult and painful ways, in order to
get us there. At length there comes a time when we no longer `like' to do Christian work -
- indeed we almost dread to do things in the Lord's Name. But then at last it is that He can
begin to use us.
I can tell you this, that for a year after I was converted I had a lust to preach. It was
impossible to stay silent. It was as though there was something moving within me that
drove me forward, and I had to keep going. Preaching had become my very life. The
Lord may graciously allow you to go on a long while like that -- and not only so but with
a fair measure of blessing -- until one day that natural force impelling you is touched, and
from then on you no longer do it because you want to do it but because the Lord wants it.
Before that experience you preached for the sake of satisfaction you got from serving
God in that way; and yet sometimes the Lord could not move you to do one thing that He
wanted done. You were living by the natural life, and that life varies a good deal. It is the
slave of your temperament. When emotionally you are set on His way you go ahead at
full speed, but when your emotions are directed the other way you are reluctant to move
at all, even when duty calls. You are not pliable in the Lord's hands. He has therefore to
weaken that strength of preference, of like and dislike, in you, until you will do a thing
because He wants it and not because you like it. You may enjoy it or you may not, but
you will do it just the same. It is not that you can derive a certain satisfaction from
preaching or from doing this or that work for God, and therefore you do it. No, you do it
now because it is the will of God, and regardless of whether or not it gives you conscious
joy. The true joy you know in doing His will lies deeper than your variable emotions.
God is bringing you to the place where He has but to express a wish and you respond
instantly. That is the spirit of the Servant (Psalm 40:7,8), but such a spirit does not come
naturally to any of us. It comes only when our soul, the seat of our natural energy and
will and affections, has known the touch of the Cross. Yet such a servant-spirit is what
He seeks and will have in us all. The way to it may be a painful, long-drawn-out process
with some of us, or it may be just one stroke; but God has His ways and we must have
regard to them.
Every true servant of God must know at some time that disabling from which he can
never recover; he can never be quite the same again. There must be that established
in you which means that from henceforth you will really fear yourself. You will fear to do
anything `out from' yourself, for, like Jacob, you know what kind of sovereign dealing
you will incur if you do it; you know what a bad time you will have in your own heart
before the Lord if you move out on the impulse of your soul. You have known something
of the chastening hand of a loving God upon you, a God who "dealeth with you as with
sons" (Heb. 12:7). The Spirit Himself bears witness in your spirit to that relationship, and
to the inheritance and glory that are ours "if so be that we suffer with him" (Rom.
8:16,17); and your response to the `Father of our spirits' is: "Abba, Father".
But when this is really established in you, you have come to a new place which we
speak of as `resurrection ground'. Death in principle may have had to be wrought out to a
crisis in your natural life, but when it has, then you find God releases you into
resurrection. You discover that what you have lost is coming back -- though not as before.
The principle of life is at work in you now -- something that empowers and strengthens
you, something that animates you, giving you life. From henceforth what you have lost
will be brought back - but now under discipline, under control.
Let me make this quite clear again. If we want to be spiritual people, there is no need
for us to amputate our hands or feet; we can still have our body. In the same way we can
have our soul, with the full use of its faculties; and yet the soul is not now our life-spring.
We are no longer living in it, we are no longer drawing from it and living by it; we use it.
When the body becomes our life we live like beasts. When the soul becomes our life we
live as rebels and fugitives from God -- gifted, cultured, educated, no doubt, but alienated
from the life of God. But when we come to live our life in the Spirit and by the Spirit,
though we still use our soul faculties just as we do our physical faculties, they are now
the servants of the Spirit; and when we have reached that point God can really use us.
But the difficulty with many of us is that dark night. The Lord graciously laid me
aside once in my life for a number of months and put me, spiritually, into utter darkness.
It was almost as though He had forsaken me -- almost as though nothing was going on
and I had really come to the end of everything. And then by degrees He brought things
back again. The temptation is always to try to help God by taking things back ourselves;
but remember, there must be a full night in the sanctuary -- a full night in darkness. It
cannot be hurried; He knows what He is doing.
We would like to have death and resurrection put together within one hour of each
other. We cannot face the thought that God will keep us aside for so long a time; we
cannot bear to wait. And I cannot tell you how long He will take, but in principle I think
it is quite safe to say this, that there will be a definite period when He will keep you there.
It will seem as though nothing is happening; everything you valued is slipping from your
grasp. There confronts you a blank wall with no door in it. Seemingly everyone else is
being blessed and used, while you yourself have been passed by and are losing out. Lie
quiet. All is in darkness, but it is only for a night. It must indeed be a full night, but that is
all. Afterwards you will find that everything is given back to you in glorious resurrection;
and nothing can measure the difference between what was before and what now is!
I was sitting one day at supper with a young brother to whom the Lord had been
speaking on this very question of our natural energy. He said to me, `It is a blessed thing
when you know the Lord has met you and touched you in that fundamental way, and that
disabling touch has been received.' There was a plate of biscuits between us on the table,
and I picked one up and broke it in half as though to eat it. Then, fitting the two pieces
together again carefully, I said, `It looks all right, but it is never quite the same again, is it?
When once your back is broken, you will yield ever after to the slightest touch from God.'
That is it. The Lord knows what He is doing with His own, and He has left no aspect
of our need unmet in His Cross, that the glory of the Son may be manifested in the sons.
Disciples who have gone this way can, I believe, truly echo the words of the apostle Paul,
who could claim to serve God "in my spirit in the gospel of his Son" (Rom. 1:9). They
have learned, as he had, the secret of such a ministry: "We ... worship by the Spirit of
God, and glory in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh" (Phil. 3:3).
Few can have led a more active life than Paul's. To the Romans he puts it on record
that he has preached the Gospel from Jerusalem to Illyricum (Rom. 15:19) and that he is
ready now to go on to Rome (1:10) and thence, if possible, to Spain (15:24,28). Yet in all
this service, embracing as it does the whole Mediterranean world, his heart is set on one
object only -- the uplifting of the One who has made it all possible. "I have therefore my
glorying in Christ Jesus in things pertaining to God. For I will not dare to speak of any
things save those which Christ wrought through me, for the obedience of the Gentiles, by
word and deed" (Rom. 15:17,18). That is spiritual service.
May God make each one of us, as truly as he was, "a bondservant of Jesus Christ".